I need to start by saying we got pregnant! I was going to wait until the end of the post for dramatic effect (even though most of you know this to be true already), but it's easier to explain all my thoughts as I go rather than dancing around the fact that it worked as I tell you about round 4. So just soak that in for a minute!
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After we didn't get pregnant in May/June of last year, we had to quickly decide if we wanted to take our frozen embryos and try again the next month (there were 2 left). We decided to wait so we could enjoy our summer. We knew if we tried again right away and it didn't work, we would feel like the summer just slipped through our fingertips in sadness.
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After we didn't get pregnant in May/June of last year, we had to quickly decide if we wanted to take our frozen embryos and try again the next month (there were 2 left). We decided to wait so we could enjoy our summer. We knew if we tried again right away and it didn't work, we would feel like the summer just slipped through our fingertips in sadness.
So we planned on August, September, then October, it kept pushing back because every time the time came for me to pick up my first prescription, I wouldn't go. And the time passes, it's a cycle thing so you can't really just start whenever. Finally in November I bit the bullet and started the first meds.
I started shots over Thanksgiving weekend, I remember being so nervous. This was the first treatment I did with progesterone shots rather than ... other methods of taking progesterone. It is so so many shots. These shots were far more difficult for me than any in previous cycles.
When you are doing a fresh cycle, most of the shots you do are in the stomach. These, for this frozen cycle, were in the hip/bum region (I imagine there are schedules that doctors do that would include both types of shots, but that hasn't been the case for me). The needle is much larger on these than the ones for the stomach, and I had to do more of them each day, until the 2nd week in February, so about 3 months of daily shots + a couple a few times a week, and often weekly blood draws.
There were many days that I would prep the shot and cry, becauseI knew it felt like it would never end. These shots bruised me bad. They also itched like crazy. I would itch all day long, and it quickly turned into a rash. We tried pressure, heat, anything we could and the doctor's office suggested, and some of it helped a bit. But the pain and discomfort really wore me down. Plus, it's mental. You're hormonal and stressed and supposed to be avoiding stress; you're bloated and heavy and tired and it's just overwhelming.
But let's fast forward some of that, to the day we did the transfer. Both our frozen embryos thawed well. I have always had a fear of having twins. People do it, and it's great and I am sure it's extremely rewarding, but it isn't something that I want to do if I don't have to. I'd like to say "I would never choose it", but the thing about IVF is you are choosing things, when your baby will be born, how many to transfer at once. And I've found myself on each occasion transferring two embryos.
Everyone assumes when you do IVF that you're going to have multiples. My small soapbox is, you might be stressing someone out that you say that to, and everyone says that to them, I promise. You don't have to remind them that they could potentially have multiples, they know. And some might want it! For me, I haven't, but if you think about it, I have transferred 8 embryos and only had 1 take. Please just remember that when you talk to someone doing a transfer or an IUI or taking clomid... we are all just trying to get whatever we can.
Our transfer was on December 18th, which is the anniversary of Eric's mom passing away. We took that as a good sign. We dared to hope that it was a tender mercy that we might celebrate the start of our baby's life as we remembered the end of our mother's. On top of that, I have a sister that has been dealing with an extremely difficult trial, completely unrelated, for about the same amount of time that Eric and I have been trying to get pregnant, and she had received some very excellent news around the same time. The things she and I were going through had nothing to do with each other, but we had many conversations that led down the same path of pain, suffering, and just struggling to make it through. I am grateful that I was able to suffer with her, and that we have both found our burdens finally lightened. New challenges are coming, effects of what we've both gone through will continue for many years to come and new pieces of the same trial will arise, but it truly feels like we can close this chapter. Both of these signs led us to feel a hope that we hadn't felt in a long time.
After the transfer, Christmas was an excellent distraction. We had family and friends, parties and food to keep us busy, so I feel that this was the quickest the time between transfer and test passed.
We debate taking a home pregnancy test every time, but always ending up choosing to do so. We do it for a couple reasons: 1. all my test result phone call days have also been work days, so there is a high chance I'm at work when I get the call either way. If I take a test in advance and it's negative, there is a chance it'll be positive the next day, but I can be mentally prepared for the negative so I don't lose it at work. AND 2. If it happens to actually be positive, there is one day when Eric and I get to know by ourselves that we are pregnant. With IVF it's hard to keep the process a secret from close friends and family, and we did that once, it wasn't really worth it (for us). So everyone is dying to hear the result just like we are, and then of course the doctors know as well. Taking a test at home gives us just a small moment to be intimately happy.
It's never worked out before, so we felt a little superstitious about it, but we still decided to take one. I got up and peed Sunday morning, left it on the counter and washed my hands, then crawled back in bed. Eric got up to pee and when he walked out and looked over it was already showing positive. He just said my name and I could hear it in his voice. I jumped out of bed as he confirmed what I suspected. I walked over to him, looked at it, looked at him and burst into tears. We cried and held each other for a moment, pulled back and said, "Well, now what to we do?!".
We offered so many prayers that day, mostly gratitude and some asking for it to be real. They say you won't get a false positive, but it's so hard to really trust that it actually worked. Obviously, the next day revealed it to be true, and we spread the word to the family.
You find out pretty much dead at 4 weeks, so it's a long first trimester. Every day you tick off one step closer to feeling like it's really going to work, that you'll somehow end up with a kid at the end of this. Of course, as I mentioned, I had to do shots all the way through to 10 weeks, which was torture. I also was called to coordinate the cultural celebration for our ward (it was a huge youth dance celebration for the dedication of the Provo City Center Temple for our church) from December to March. I had a relatively easy first tri, but I would often weep in the evenings just being overwhelmed with work, church, and fatigue.
Time marched on, and I'm finally taking a minute to update here at 25 weeks. He is still growing, I feel him moving every day and I pray for him, Eric, and me every day. Of course I'm banking on him being the perfect baby since it's been so tough to get him here (that's how this works, right?!). HA.
KIDDING, EVERYONE. Don't stress. We can't wait until he sleeps through the night.
DOUBLE KIDDING, calm down. We know it's going to be hard. But we can't wait.
When you are doing a fresh cycle, most of the shots you do are in the stomach. These, for this frozen cycle, were in the hip/bum region (I imagine there are schedules that doctors do that would include both types of shots, but that hasn't been the case for me). The needle is much larger on these than the ones for the stomach, and I had to do more of them each day, until the 2nd week in February, so about 3 months of daily shots + a couple a few times a week, and often weekly blood draws.
There were many days that I would prep the shot and cry, because
But let's fast forward some of that, to the day we did the transfer. Both our frozen embryos thawed well. I have always had a fear of having twins. People do it, and it's great and I am sure it's extremely rewarding, but it isn't something that I want to do if I don't have to. I'd like to say "I would never choose it", but the thing about IVF is you are choosing things, when your baby will be born, how many to transfer at once. And I've found myself on each occasion transferring two embryos.
Everyone assumes when you do IVF that you're going to have multiples. My small soapbox is, you might be stressing someone out that you say that to, and everyone says that to them, I promise. You don't have to remind them that they could potentially have multiples, they know. And some might want it! For me, I haven't, but if you think about it, I have transferred 8 embryos and only had 1 take. Please just remember that when you talk to someone doing a transfer or an IUI or taking clomid... we are all just trying to get whatever we can.
Our transfer was on December 18th, which is the anniversary of Eric's mom passing away. We took that as a good sign. We dared to hope that it was a tender mercy that we might celebrate the start of our baby's life as we remembered the end of our mother's. On top of that, I have a sister that has been dealing with an extremely difficult trial, completely unrelated, for about the same amount of time that Eric and I have been trying to get pregnant, and she had received some very excellent news around the same time. The things she and I were going through had nothing to do with each other, but we had many conversations that led down the same path of pain, suffering, and just struggling to make it through. I am grateful that I was able to suffer with her, and that we have both found our burdens finally lightened. New challenges are coming, effects of what we've both gone through will continue for many years to come and new pieces of the same trial will arise, but it truly feels like we can close this chapter. Both of these signs led us to feel a hope that we hadn't felt in a long time.
After the transfer, Christmas was an excellent distraction. We had family and friends, parties and food to keep us busy, so I feel that this was the quickest the time between transfer and test passed.
We debate taking a home pregnancy test every time, but always ending up choosing to do so. We do it for a couple reasons: 1. all my test result phone call days have also been work days, so there is a high chance I'm at work when I get the call either way. If I take a test in advance and it's negative, there is a chance it'll be positive the next day, but I can be mentally prepared for the negative so I don't lose it at work. AND 2. If it happens to actually be positive, there is one day when Eric and I get to know by ourselves that we are pregnant. With IVF it's hard to keep the process a secret from close friends and family, and we did that once, it wasn't really worth it (for us). So everyone is dying to hear the result just like we are, and then of course the doctors know as well. Taking a test at home gives us just a small moment to be intimately happy.
It's never worked out before, so we felt a little superstitious about it, but we still decided to take one. I got up and peed Sunday morning, left it on the counter and washed my hands, then crawled back in bed. Eric got up to pee and when he walked out and looked over it was already showing positive. He just said my name and I could hear it in his voice. I jumped out of bed as he confirmed what I suspected. I walked over to him, looked at it, looked at him and burst into tears. We cried and held each other for a moment, pulled back and said, "Well, now what to we do?!".
We offered so many prayers that day, mostly gratitude and some asking for it to be real. They say you won't get a false positive, but it's so hard to really trust that it actually worked. Obviously, the next day revealed it to be true, and we spread the word to the family.
You find out pretty much dead at 4 weeks, so it's a long first trimester. Every day you tick off one step closer to feeling like it's really going to work, that you'll somehow end up with a kid at the end of this. Of course, as I mentioned, I had to do shots all the way through to 10 weeks, which was torture. I also was called to coordinate the cultural celebration for our ward (it was a huge youth dance celebration for the dedication of the Provo City Center Temple for our church) from December to March. I had a relatively easy first tri, but I would often weep in the evenings just being overwhelmed with work, church, and fatigue.
Time marched on, and I'm finally taking a minute to update here at 25 weeks. He is still growing, I feel him moving every day and I pray for him, Eric, and me every day. Of course I'm banking on him being the perfect baby since it's been so tough to get him here (that's how this works, right?!). HA.
KIDDING, EVERYONE. Don't stress. We can't wait until he sleeps through the night.
DOUBLE KIDDING, calm down. We know it's going to be hard. But we can't wait.
We are so happy for you! Those shots are the worst! I hated them so much and it is just so nice when they are finally over. Can't wait to hear more about your little guy! It sucks to have to go through IVF but I just remind myself at least we are lucky enough to have modern medicine to make it possible. So happy for your miracle baby!
ReplyDeleteHolly thanks for sharing your story. Most people don't know anything about how hard IVF is. It's hard work physically and draining emotionally! Our son David and his wife went through the process for several years.. When it all ends with a baby it does make it all seem worth it. 💞
ReplyDeleteWhat a blessing! I'm so happy for you guys. And thanks for sharing your story. I must say, it got me a little verklempt. I look up to you guys.
ReplyDelete