make glemonade

Well, I, unlike my sisters, have not birthed a child yet. I know that will be my most proud moment some day in the future. For now I really have to dig deep and think about proud moments in my life. It is difficult, because as I leaf through the proud moment rolodex in my mind, all the memories that pop out are when I was proud of someone else. There are a million tiny moments when I was so proud of Eric for being the strongest, bravest person I know throughout his cancer experience. I was awesomely proud of my sister Lisa when she birthed that sweet baby girl. I am so proud of Jen and Stef for the brave way they face their daily adversity.  My little sister Kelli works full time and kicks serious A in all her classes at CMU constantly. She has multiple scholarships and I even made her send me her last report card so I could hang it on my fridge.   After truly mulling it over, I think most of my most proud m...

Many of you are aware that Eric had his (potentially) last scan at Huntsman last week. He has been getting them at least once every six months since his BMT. With this clear scan, we won't have to worry about cancer anymore. For the most part. I don't know if I'll ever not worry about it. This is an image from one of his very first scans back in 2009. When we left this week we asked to have them for our records. I saw it as a personal history thing, they saw it as planning for future doctors. Yeah, sure, whatever. Just as long as we have the pictures. The lighted up portions of the picture show activity from the cancer. Yeah. Scary?!?! We are ecstatic to announce that the scan this last week was clean and we will not ever have to do that again, unless he starts getting symptoms. Heaven forbid. Besides the recent infertility concern, we don't think about this part of our life together very much. It is like a sloshy, groggy, bad dream cloud that hung over us for awhile ...

So, when your husband gets sick, all you think about is him getting better. There are no other thoughts, so we quickly became grateful for doctors that simply told us what to do. We did it all. We bought flannel sheets so it would not hurt his head. They told us the best route for financial assistance, so we filled out piles of paperwork. They told Eric not to eat for 24 hours before [fill in the blank] test, so he didn't. They told us to freeze some sperm, just in case, before he started chemo therapy, so we did. It was a really awkward and amusing experience, really. One we are happy to tell you in person. I remember talking to the chemo nurses, particularly one, I don't remember her name but she loved 80s music, skiing, and Eric. She said people have kids all the time after they go through chemo. I don't even remember why we were talking about it. It was something at the very beginning that scared me, the thought of it causing infertility was one of my biggest fears abou...

But we just wanted to let you all know that we went to the doctor last week and Eric is officially in remission. And check out Eric's new project. Gotta love it. And go to the home opener!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHxiivb8njI&playnext=1&videos=CIYhIeV17aE&feature=mfu_in_order http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3ypAMMP0UE&playnext=1&videos=KmowwuLSq7s&feature=mfu_in_order

Eric did have a doctor's appointment this week. Again, these are all quick checkups only until July 1st, when he will have all his scans etc. again to see if the cancer is all gone. But I know everyone still likes to know what's going on. He's normal and he's gained a bit of weight back (~4lbs.). He talked to his nurse for a long time and she said she really thinks he won't have anything show up on his scans. She has been pretty right so far, so we won't start doubting her now! We are both a bit obsessive about his hair growing back. It looks so good! It's still really short, but it's there!

Eric and I wrote this song while he was desperately ill this summer and couldn't work. He had just been told he had shingles, but we knew something else was up. We were reminiscing the other night about it, so we decided to share it with all of you! Here are a couple of photos to go along with the song... He pulled his hamstring during city league football a couple seasons ago and kept playing on it. The second pic is of course, his shingles. We didn't take any pictures of the kidney stones, sorry. :)

Yesterday Eric and I were standing in line at the movie theater waiting to see Iron Man 2, but we were standing in separate lines holding a place for some other friends going at a different time (yes, we are nice). You might be thinking that Eric shouldn't be at the movies with his low immune system, but you would be wrong! He went to the doctor yesterday and everything is great! His counts are as good as most other patients at their 100 Day mark, and we are around 50 days out if the quick math in my head is right (ANC = 3.5 for those of you that have been paying attention). He also gained 3 lbs. So we can do whatever we want now. So a guy in line behind Eric asked said that he always wants to shave his head but never gets a smooth shave. He asked how he gets his head shaved so close, and Eric said you get cancer. He said well I put my foot in my mouth. On an unrelated note Eric's eyebrows are starting to grow back. I am really excited about it. His facial hair too. It won'...

Everything has gone great since we've been home. There was a bit of an adjustment period, Eric was cold, and we didn't sleep well because we were scared he'd get a fever. Now everything feels almost normal. It's weird. He had an appointment a couple days after we got home, and his counts had increased significantly (ANC = 1.1). I can't wait to go back and see how much it's grown this week. He finished his homecare medication so all we have to do is flush his lines daily and take it easy. Eric is still tired and weak, but I wish you all could see him. He's starting to be highly amusing again, and he's back to singing before and during showers. When we both start working again things will really feel normal. Old normal. But for now things are going well. I started a new job on Tuesday. And I graduate this week. And we bought a teeny charcoal grill. Life is good.

Eric is finally home! It was 23 days total, which is better than many other transplant patients. It is still a very long time. It is difficult to describe how long each day feels. He passed the days showering, biking or walking in the small hallway outside his room, watching basketball and Judge Judy, listening to an ipod... it was a simple life. The fatigue made it so hard to get out of bed, as you can see from this <-picture! He was so tired so this is how he biked that day! Bless him. Visitors of the Week: My parents came for conference weekend to hang out with us and to help me clean the apartment before Eric's return. Initially they came just to visit, but I don't know if I could have got this place into ship shape without them! They were amazing. Cleaning ceiling vents, bathrooms, cupboards, washing everything in the house even if it was recently cleaned. My mom washed every single dish we own. Dad single-handedly cleaned our bathroom! We worked, and worked, and worke...

Eric did not come home today as hoped. He had a fever again late last night and thus will be kept at the hospital at least two more days. Probably longer with the way things are going. We'll keep you posted.

I know I'm not so quippy these days when it comes to titles, but I just can't be bothered with it. I cannot believe it has been a week since I last posted, longer even. It goes so fast and slow at the same time, as most things do that one is not accustomed to. Eric's ANC count has been at 0 for a few days now, which is a good thing. But he has been really sick because of it. This whole weekend he slept; I think he was awake about an hour or so each day total. He throws up almost everytime he tries to eat, which isn't all that often since he is so tired. They give him shots now like the ones they gave before he collected in order to stimulate cell growth, and the projected day to go home is Saturday (this would stem from 2 consecutive days of an ANC>.5). I won't hold them to it, but it would be really nice. Eric is drained, but mostly physically. He can't speak for himself right now because he is sleeping, but it would wear on anyone. I admire him so much f...

The next few days (days 3-5) were spent watching March Madness. That was pretty much all Eric did those days. Davy and Jeff came up for the first BYU game and they caused quite a stir. The nurses, etc. all loved the rowdy room! We are so proud of BYU for making it out of the first round! They had a really good season and we love them. That whole last week Eric got chemo twice a day, once in the morning and once at night... about 5 hourse total per day. It didn't make him feel sick much, but the first day was the worst. Lisa, Eric's sister came up and hung out a little too, but Eric fell asleep after one round of Yahtzee! Sunday (day 6) we thought was going to be a day of rest; they told us he wouldn't have any chemo or anything but they were wrong. He did have one chemo that day that was short. We turned the tv off on Sunday and Eric left his room for the first time. Walking around the hall is very anti-climactic because it is about 4 feet long. He rides the exercise bike i...

Day 1, March 16th. The room is great because they change the air completely 6 times an hour. Seriously they do. Alright you can't tell, but still it's comforting to know that the air your breathing is so fresh and so clean clean. It's strange because we arrived and got settled and they say, okay you have chemo at 12... so we'll see you then. Then they leave and you are free to just do whatever you want, just have to stay here. Eric has compared it to prison and/or the MTC. Eric was really proud of how much he peed here. He is on the chemo now, it's a 4 hour one today, the rest of them will be 2 hours, and that lasts for the next 5 or 6 days. After that it's transplant time, but we'll blog then to update rather than now when I really still don't know exactly what it will be like for him. I'm trying to convince Eric to blog so if you want to hear directly from him you should raise your hand (symbolically, i.e. comment) and tell him so that we can convi...

Eric is going in on Tuesday, March 16th instead of Friday. They want his lungs and heart to be a little stronger first and they're wiped out from the CHOP. Good news for Eric, he's going to cruise on down to Vegas for the MWC Tournament with his dad and brother.

Before anything, we unbelievably forgot to mention that Bill (in the BYU Athletics Dept.) invited Eric to his office the other weekend and Austin Collie was there! You won't believe it, but he gave Eric his Super Bowl jersey. Yes, it's a real Super Bowl jersey. As some of you know, Eric and I have not had to go up to Salt Lake in one week! This has been a huge relief for now, and it is due to the fact that Eric collected on Monday last week. They needed to collect 5 million cells for his transplant, and after a long day of collection he produced over 9 million cells! If only we could sell his excess cells... haha. Actually we would willingly give them to anyone but I don't even know if that is possible or even useful in the medical world. All I know is Eric is a stud. He knows how to get it done. As for everything else, we have been waiting just like you have. Many people have sought me out looking for the next set of information, but I haven't had it to give yet. We h...

The last chemo was fine and dandy. We have had so much going on lately, so let's just have a couple weeks in review. Still flushing lines at home, Eric still isn't feeling great, but actually seems to be better than last time. I don't know what was the deal with that chemo #5 but it rocked him. It is hard to believe that the chemo part is already over. How can something go so fast and so slow at the same time?! Eric giving his biohazardous waste can some lovin'. With our good friends, Rosie and Josh. This is Eric getting in the shower (phwit phwew!). A helpful nurse had us switch from plastic wrap to ziploc sandwich bags with duct tape. I got tie dye to spice things up a little bit. John gets Visitor of the Week for last week (Feb. 7-13) because he came over and played board games with Eric all day. They set up Risk, Monopoly, and Ticket to Ride and set a timer every 30 minutes, rotating from game to game. I think they played for ten hours or so (Risk twice). It was on...

Just so you all know, the scan came back with very positive results. Our doctor said it is right where she expected it to be and that it bodes well for the transplant. Wheeeeeeeee! We are gearing up for the bone marrow transplant (hereafter referred to as BMT). It still isn't scheduled which is really pushing my patience. I like to have a plan of action and there just isn't one yet. I imagine it will go something like this: last chemo, 1 week recovery, 1 week shots, next week check in for BMT, Eric there for 3 weeks, I go up on weekends and stay at home weekdays for school. We're looking forward to chemo next week. Mostly because I love the Bistro at Huntsman Center (I highly recommend the roast beef and pepper jack panini)... oh yeah! And it's Eric's last chemotherapy session! No but really, let's look at the things we love about Huntsman: 1. the Bistro 2. the Infusion nurses- they are so much fun and they think we are hilarious, so of course we love them back!...

My last post was premature. We spent the rest of that night at the ER in the University of Utah Hospital because he was still bleeding out of his chest. It finally ebbed around 5 o'clock in the morning, but in typical hospital fashion we were not released until 11a.m.. They didn't clean it up because we had to head up to Huntsman to get it flushed and rebandaged anyway. * small sidenote * he actually got a central line placed, not a port . Apparently there is a difference and I think I've called it a port to a few people and possible on a previous post . ...now carry on... So we trekked up to Huntsman where they were not happy to see us. But they cleaned him up and stopped the bleeding that started again when they replaced the gauze and it hasn't bled since. We got home around 2 o'clock yesterday and I hauled over to campus to try to make it to my last class. Eric was exhausted , but apparently he could muster just enough energy to pay a visit to Camp Cougar and...

About twenty minutes after I finished the blog we made a little trip to the ER because Eric's wound was bleeding excessively. Lucky for us it was the shortest trip I've ever made to the ER (which was about two hours haha). The blood had kind of clotted around the port, so it was this weird jelly goo blood when they cleaned it up. But all is well that ends well, we hope. We are home with semi-clean bandages and hoping they will last us through the night. You can see pretty well in the picture how full the bandage was when we got there, and it was dripping out the bottom quite a bit. He just loves making us sweat a little, doesn't he folks? Oh! We also learned a valuable lesson tonight from another patient: when you are teaching Boy Scouts about pocket knives, don't show them what not to do... you may end up in the ER with a severely sliced finger.

On Wednesday last week, Eric went up to Salt Lake for his bone marrow transplant consult. I was unable to attend due to my class schedule, so we are both anxious to get up there again and be able to ask questions. But here are some brief details and updates regarding the bone marrow transplant: The transplant will take place in March as expected, probaby the second week, though it is still not scheduled. This means we will miss going to the Mountain West Conference Tournament in Vegas and are very sad about it. However, we are very grateful for the huge opportunity this transplant is and do not even want to make that sound like even a shadow of a complaint. Plus, that inspired us to go to Vegas this weekend with a few of our good friends! Details coming shortly... So Eric will be back and forth to SLC quite a bit in these next couple weeks. Four times this week: one to put in this line, like a port that will prevent him from having to be poked with needles anymore, two to get the dress...