make glemonade

I've just been thinking and what am I if I'm not honest with you? I guess I'm just not really living unless I'm being 100% honest... and... my real name is Fat Patricia. This is what is really hard about our infertility: We are really happy. We are living a great life, with good jobs, wedded bliss, good friends, family, food, vacations, concerts. Pretty much whatever we want, we do. We are young by most people's standard.  The problem is if it isn't broke, why fix it?  Why would we go and try to do this expensive, draining thing again, with either result? "Oh my gosh," I know half of you are thinking, "Don't you want to have kids? Isn't that the happiness you are looking for?" Yes. It is. And the other half of you are thinking, "Get it, girl! YOLO and you have plenty of time. Your time will come. Just enjoy this while it lasts!" And yes, I know that is true as well.  So here is my beef: with IVF I have to...

 We went to Hawaii last week. Haha that's what I wrote when I started this post. For shame. It's over a month now. First day, just got up to our hotel room. We were on the 8th floor which was higher than you would expect. Our view was (obviously) overlooking more of downtown, which was delightful. First night there we were renting our car and I was outside waiting with a family that had just arrived. One of the daughters was looking at the vending machines and she said, "They have the exact same sodas here as in America!". Yikes. This has nothing to do with a trip, but I told Eric I could see his reflection forever so he put his arm around me. Hahahahaha.  Monday morning we woke up early (the 3 hour time change helped) and my boss texted me asking if we wanted to go on a hike. I had that brief moment where I thought to myself I really don't want to get up and go already when we could just go lay on the beach. But Eric said let's do it ...

This weather. It always makes me laugh, the way we coo and fawn over any weather. My facebook and instagram have been littered with screen shots of weather apps, and I fain gratitude as if I, as if all of us, didn't have a weather app or access to the internet. But still, the first time it snowed here in Utah this season, that was different. Everyone posted a picture, but I was actually grateful, that there truly is a kid in each of that stops in wonder at the first freshly fallen snow, that forgets that mid-January we will despise the polluted piles on each parking lot median. And here we are today. The sun is out, the inversion it (mostly) gone, and the horrible road conditions of the past few days are forgotten. 28 degrees feels like 50 (yesterday), and I'm dreaming of summer.  The sun is shining. And the sun is not setting all the way before 5:30pm. I forgot how real the winter time blues are. Man. Go soak up some sun today while you can, because I didn't realize ho...

I have nothing philosophical for you today, just want to catch up on our comings and goings. This fall-turned-winter has been an absolute blur, but it has been a welcome change. Summer-turned-fall was slow and heavy. October was probably my last bad month. I got sick twice. Not to be a huge whiny baby, but it was a nightmare! I feel so bad for people that catch colds easily. I (almost) never do, and I was a train wreck. I went to Montrose for  Conference Weekend , by myself. I can't remember why Eric couldn't come (work?), and while I wanted it to be a restful weekend I was sick and hated driving. We went to Chicago which was amazing. The pics are on facebook, it was too much to blog. One of my dearest had her baby. The only baby boy in my life and I love him. Then I got sick on Halloween so every time I see the picture of me in my costume at work (I was Smurfette) it makes me feel sick. How does that happen?  Same sickness, but into November I flew to Phoeni...

As weeks go, the 52nd week of the year is one of my favorites: between Christmas and New Years. You get the opportunity to reflect on the year you are finishing while anticipating the fresh start and the things to come. I was expecting something very different out of 2012. When we started the year, we had recently discovered are inability to produce spawn. It was a freshly opened wound, but it stayed for awhile. I tried not to take a lot of time to think about it. But I thought about it all the time. It's so draining to constantly think about something that you can't fix and can't control. I specifically remember a conversation Eric and I had with one of his sisters. She and her husband have a really hard time getting pregnant, and she just asked us what we were waiting for? If we knew we had only one option for biological children, why wait? And I knew we just had to go for it. Why waste time thinking about it when we knew other things wouldn't work? So around Ma...

Well, when I see the quote run around the internet that "the best things in life aren't things..." my initial reaction is 'that doesn't make any sense. Obviously if you are thinking of something that isn't a "thing" then you should not be using that phrase'. BUT instead of being a brat, I will just get the point. Yes, my family are my favorite things. And let me tell you the reasons why: My dad is very brave. He works tirelessly and always has to provide for our family. He has sacrificed a lot of things, including, to a great extent, his social life, his hobbies, to keep our family going. I am so proud of him. He also sacrifices his own time serving in church, and has for a long time. My dad is also an excellent listener. He is wise, and weighs out what you say and gives his advice, then let's you decide. I think what I really admire about my mom is that she always seems to be true to herself. I don't know if she has ever said somethi...

So my mom asked if we could do blog topics, in order to foster the growth of a healthy blog. These are her topics for September, and I immediately fell behind. And in order to catch up (for which I am actually not under any obligation) I am going to do them all at once and quite late at night. I may wake up tomorrow and find this was a bad choice. That what i find amusing at this hour will not be nearly as amusing at 11am. But nevertheless.  WEEK 1: Tell us your superhero name and power WEEK 2: Your LEAST favorite thing to do WEEK 3: What almost always gives you goosebumps WEEK 4: If you could instantly be proficient at anything, what would you choose? I don't know what my superhero name would be, but I think it would start with The. Like The Scar! Yes, that's it (before I figured this out I typed The Awesome, The WonderHol, and the UnKnife...  not some of my best ideas). And I'd like to be able to heal people, things (get it?! the scar?! like as in I healed them so I...